She demands me her name, she looks for the cracks and they are there, she looks down the abyss and finds that it’s deep and terrifying. I’m there, with everything, the good, the bad, I’m naked and she is still holding her cards close to herself. I’m sad, I feel that she is trying to find a fault. I wasn’t enough and I’m not sure why, I wish I had known, I wish I had more time. I wish I could have taken it slowly. I hoped that telling all the things at once would make it easier, but there are no shortcuts, it’s either the long, winding road, or nothing. I got the nothing and it hurts, and I’m now afraid it will take forever to recover. I’ll miss her. Fuck, I will really miss her.

Is it her? Is it not? Am I making a mistake, thinking of her? Am I just chasing another dream? I’m too tired for this. I’m only here for a short while. I’ll be gone and then there’ll be nothing again. Just emptiness in this vast space, with almost nobody caring. Why the hell am I doing this? I wish I knew. I wish I knew.