I feel like another failure is here. Trailing behind me like a shadow, barely catching up with me, then letting go, like a ghost of my consciousness. She doesn’t care about me, I can feel it, and that makes it uninteresting to spend time with her. She ignored me for so long that I’m starting to feel indifferent. It’s a weird feeling — I haven’t felt like this for some while. It’s a mixture of freedom and inconvenience, when you have nobody to direct your attention to, but you know you are capable of deeply caring. It’s more of a feeling of frustration than anything else. I don’t even know what I want, but I want it, and I want it badly, mostly now, but I couldn’t even appreciate it if it was now. So probably later, much later. Maybe a couple of months, maybe half a year would allow me to breathe, settle down, and see what I want. Until then, I think I’ll have to say goodbye to everyone, let them know I need space, and just cut myself out from the world. I need the old self of mine, alone in the wilderness, wandering. Like a in a quote I saw: not all who wander are lost.