I met E in a bar with my friends, as we usually are, hanging out, passing time. I invited her to a club and sometime later we went. Lately, a lot of affection has gathered up in me, and I gave all of it to her, and she didn’t mind, but didn’t care about it, either. It was just me, my feelings and her, three distinct entities in the vastness of space and time, floating through like silent globs of light, with seemingly no effect on one another. I gave her all the affection I wanted to give others, and she didn’t care but sometimes it felt as if something broke in her, as if things were different than what she pretended them to be. But then we were back again, in our own little worlds with the affection just floating, as if its energy was from another star, not from us, sometimes shining white-hot, sometimes fading like the moon when clouds fog our view and then again it was there but it was blinding and too much. Then she went home and I was stuck with this bright orb and tried to take it home with me, but I couldn’t and it was just there in the morning glowing and I was tired and lonely.

Today I met her again, the affection was still there, I couldn’t and wouldn’t control it, but there were others and they came and talked and I got tired and lonely. So I faded away the only way I knew by trying to be harsh and insensitive and I thought it will be fine but I still felt the same way and I told her I’ll miss her and I will. She could give so much more but doesn’t want to for reasons that are to remain forever mysterious and lonely and strong, as one is when feelings are not shared. Vulnerability is hard and can’t be forced…