I remember the night she asked me to be inside of her instead of just giving her pleasure through other means. I should have noted that. Maybe she was, at that point, interested in me, as a person, as someone more than just a fancy sex toy. I understand it, though: during casual conversations, I floated over her and didn’t pay attention. I just “went along” my own way, incidentally realizing that she was also there. What a mistake. So, gradually, our relationship faded away. I seemingly didn’t have anything to give. Should have taken her to parties, meetings with friends. But I was too controlling, I wanted her only for myself. It’s hard to let go of control and at the same time pay attention, be a meaningful participant. It takes a lot of concentration and self-questioning to change habits, and I often feel too tired.