She will be different. I will be different. Who is awaiting me? Are we just spending time next to one another? Can she still challenge me? Can I still challenge her? Are we just good memories for each other? Will we break down in each others’ arms? Who will I see? I don’t know. I’m afraid I will be with her like I have been with everyone else lately — superficial, empty, meaningless. I am not sure where I went, what happened. It slowly, slowly crept up on me. The emptiness. The laziness of trying to do things. I’m slumping into dark matter. I’m not getting anywhere. It’s crept up on me so surprisingly slowly. I don’t know what I’m doing. Looking at stupid websites, spending time with useless things. Just meaningless things. I didn’t use to do that… And nobody can fix that. I must fix myself…