I went to a conference and got a gift that I didn’t expect. She is wonderfully intelligent, fiercely independent, and enjoys what I have to say, while I enjoy the time I spend with her and miss her when she’s not there. It’s hard to talk about her, she’s so different. I got her at a point in life when I was down, and she made me happy with such ease it was hard to grasp. I remember a moment when we were ordering drinks, I put my hand around her and told her how happy I was to have met her, and she said the same. Although this seems trivial, it felt good at the time, somehow meaningful.

She is gone now, hasn’t written in a few days and I’m sad that I might have done something wrong. I think I did and it aches me, but I can’t undo it now and I feel lost. I think I should regain my balance again. Probably I should write her, or I should just remain silent, I don’t know and I feel lost. It’s something that used to happen to me when I was 16, being completely in the dark, without anything to hang on to, no rails, just floating, gravity seems to be absent, I don’t even know where up or down is. The roller coaster is rolling and I don’t even have the privilege to the view.