I feel disabled. Incapable of doing the smallest things, because I don’t speak the language, I don’t live in a specific country, or I don’t know what to do and how to do it. It’s humiliating and I have nobody to help me. It would be so good if A was here. I would be happy I’m alive, I’d be happy I exist and I’d be sure things would go well. She’d tell me to just forget about the frustration and be happy for what I have. But she’s not here and I miss her and our time. I feel like I have wasted all that time with her by not seeing her more often. I feel like I should have been there, with her more, kissed her lips and hugged her beautiful body. I wish I was a better person who would plan more and so do more. I feel lost and lonely.